Damnnation
by Soleus V
Summary: IT ISN'T THE GAME! Read it, enjoy, have a laugh and please review. There will be more...
1. Chapter 1

I do not own Damnation.

_**Damn-nation 1**_

Amongst the soothing sounds of the desert, our hero and accomplice, sits Hamilton Rourke and Yakecan waking to the sunrise.

"Damn, now that's what I call a good nights sleep.", Rourke mumbles.

Yakecan scratches her back and then slaps Rourke, "What was that for?", he asks. "You not even saying morning Mr. Pork, ha-ha." All he could do about this was stand up and take her something to drink.

After they both have now completely awoke, it was time to jump on the insanely large bike that is used to some how smoothly cruise through the rough and curled deserts planes.

The ride has just been going on for five minutes and the disastrous duo reach a split in the road, "Which way should we go Yakecan? "

"I would have to say left, right."

Rourke is more confused by this then his ego would ever admit, ever.

He then turns right and as they ride just a short distance further there is a sign that reads _**Wrong way to PSI.**_

Rourke now knew he is going to hear it again.

"Nice, how convenient of you to follow your own I.Q. , which by the way I think isn't much better then that of pig. Well now Captain Rourke, or should I say pork, we have to make a u-turn."

Rourke drove for hours and with much concentration they reached the hide-out of the least known fighters against Prescott. His name was just a myth and what people knew of him was… well… they didn't know anything! Nobody knew!

"Damn! I am just that good. " He said after stylishly bringing the bike to a stop. "Thank you for not throwing me off this time. " Yakecan said.

Rourke grinned and was very, very, very satisfied with him self until, "Put on your hat, damn, I don't want _**him**_ to see us when you look like a dork!"

"Come on Yakecan, the damn puns have got to come to an end."

The two walk into the cave with the sun starting to set behind them that is lighting up every cactus in the desert. "There is only one thing that is better then a cactus lighted up by the sun. That would be no damn cactus!" Rourke says.

They knock on the door and it is answered by average built man, not the size of Rourke, wearing a huge hat and holstering two six-shooter pistols.

"Can I help you?"

"Yes." Rourke says, "Where can we find the big cheese around here?"

"Excuse me."

"Yeah man, we're looking for the head nacho."

"Why do you mock my Mexican accent?"

"Look buddy, all that we want to know is can we see Mr. Piñata, or not?"

"Si senior, this one you are looking for…" He takes of his hand, holds it in front of his chest, glides his hand through his hair and with a half-smile says, "Is me. I would be he who you seek."

Stunned by this Yakecan apologizes for Rourke's rude comments as he just stands there and sniffs then says, "Damn, damn, damn! I didn't think that you would be so, well Mexican. Not that I have a problem, but damn, in the desert dude."

"I am Ramon Sepherius Zagato, pleased to meet you."

They had a joyful conversation and discussed where they would go first.

Zagato wants to save _**Terra Verte**_, while Rourke's opinion is that they should directly go for Prescott.

The two men settled this by arm-wrestling, which Rourke won, a round of twister which Zagato had won, and finally they played a match of chess that Zagato cheated so that they can save _**Terra Verte**_.

Angered by this Rourke went to take a shower and read to just calm him down.

Yakecan and Zagato prepared a meal for them to enjoy the wonderful taste of out in the desert under the flickering stars.

Rourke returns to attend the meal. "Hey dear, how are thee doing?"

Yakecan now knows that he read that damn Shakespeare stuff again.

"Oh blessed are thee with tremendous beauty while even the stars smile down and you, so innocent consumes my every thought and draws my eyes on thee."

"Damn. Oh Rourke would you just not be such a fork! I don't know how you can read on and on about Shakespeare, just have a beer! Really I say nay have two, three, four or more!"

The last bug's noise fades out over the plains, now three, and they lie down to rest for the days ahead are long. Yes, it would not be easy, but neither is breaking open a Piñata! Ha-ha ha-ha ha!

If anybody would like a follow up of _**Damn-nation**_, please bring it to my attention in your review. Thanks.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Damn-nation 2**_

None of the characters or scenery belongs to me.

The sun is rising in the East as a mild wind blows into the cave of Zagato and wakes him.

As he sits up and let's a big yawn loose and stretches his arms out above his head, he relaxes again to see that his place is completely trashed and messy, "Damn, I can't believe this happened! When I find those two I am going to freaking kick them and step on their fingers, hmm maybe I need to do more, but I'll see when I've got them captured."

Looking through the mess that Rourke and Yakecan left for him, he found nothing missing. Now this really got him thinking. "I do not understand, why then?"

Then a beetle came zooming in the window (Gap between the rocks as it is) hitting him on the nose, breaking it squarely.

"Ah damn, my nose! You dumb beetle, are you blind?"

"Wait, beetles can't talk. I should stop doing stuff like that. People will think I am really going loco."

As the blood of his broken nose reaches his lips and he tastes it… "Oh shit, no fuck, oh DAMN!"

Yes that's what they took, Zagato's recipe for the famous Nacho sauce, he shed a tear and heard a voice inside him call out, "Go get it back, get it back."

"Yes, I will get it back and they will pay for what they have done!"

Then there was a sad kind of voice inside him calling out in agony, "What about _**Terra Verte**_?"

"Screw _**Terra Verte**_ bitch! I want Nacho's!"

Mean while Rourke and Yakecan are really impressed with them self's by being able to snatch the sauce recipe from under the nose of Zagato.

"Damn we're good." Rourke said with a satisfying voice and a smile on his face.

"We are, just a damn shame you crashed the bike and now we have to walk all the way in a desert with nothing! I don't know why I'm still rolling with you anymore." Yakecan replied angrily.

"Well I know, It is because everybody with brains can't even lift you up."

"What is that supposed to mean? Are you implying something here?"

"No, I'm just saying." SMACK!

A loud thud noise rises in the silence as she hits him on the head.

"That was unnecessary. Merely I am stating that you could be more savecious with the food and watch you're weight. The figure is fine."

Yakecan some what aroused by what Rourke said also realized he is not half that bad.

It was cheesy, yet creative. _**The bastard made up his own word.**_ She was thinking that there might be hope after all.

Meanwhile back at the _**PSI**_ _**HQ **_there were lots of desks flying around as Sir Prescott was getting his daily educational classes.

Oh just so you know, he really is messed up, bad!

"Sir spell for me monkey?" said Vern.

"M o h c e w, yes monkey."

"Well then how about…. Carrot, spell Carrot?"

"Easy as phigh! That would be K h a r o u t. I kick so much bee-hind."

"Sir it is time that you receive your Serum shot again."

"No, I love to feel so woozy, weeheeee! Hey Ern when did you get such a large head?"

"It's Vern Sir Prescott."

"Whatever. Sure thing Burn, ha ha-ha."

One of his henchmen then sent a servant to go get the injection.

The servant walked the long hallway and after a while he reached a door that said _**Semen**_.

"It is worth a go." He said in a squealing kind of voice.

While the servant of Prescott makes his way back after finding the Serum in the Semen named room, Prescott himself has grabbed hold of a saw and is violently chasing his teacher around the room.

Will Rourke and Yakecan ever reach PSI?

Will Zagato be able to find "Those baaastaaards!" who ran away with his Nacho sauce recipe?

Will Prescott catch his teacher and possibly cut of his arm?

To find out come back for my next installment of Damn-nation (It is my story, but with copyrighted characters and environments.)


	3. Chapter 3

_**Damn-nation 3**_

Walking in the desert under the blistering rays of the sun, Rourke is carrying Yakecan on his back as she has started to dehydrate.

After about 3 more miles Rourke suddenly started jogging.

"How are you able to do that?"

"Well if you saw water in the desert, what would you do?"

"I would realize that it is an illusion…. Dork"

"You know what, just because I knew you would keep on with the puns I got myself a little assurance."

"And what is that, to sell as bacon or something? Hahaha."

About a minute after Yakecan had spoke, she felt her feet sinking into cool water as Rourke placed her on a chair next to a blown up swimming pool which was conveniently placed in the middle of the desert.

'_Damn, if I had to carry her one more mile then I would have gave in.' _He thought while dipping his head in the water.

As he wiped the water off of his face, he sees a little table next to the pool with too Hunters Dry's on it.

Just as he took the two bottle's from the table Yakecan's one hand touched his, as he looked at her she said, "Don't worry china, soon we'll be admitting less heat." She said and took the bottle from his hand.

"Damn! I should have listened when my Dad told me not to smoke, he was such a father to me."

All his men stood in confusion.

He jumped about three feet and tackled the crap out of his teacher.

Violently he just started sawing at his teachers arm with one hand, pinning it to the ground with his other arm.

"Sir…" a worried servant whispered to Prescott.

"Hahaha, what do you want?"

"I am not sure, but it looks like you are sawing off your own arm."

"WTF?"

The next moment Prescott fainted and his Serum driven servants just stood there, watching him bleed out.

As no one could give orders to them but Prescott himself, the entire PSI army had went numb.

The news had spread quickly of this turn of events and the humans took back everything that was truly theirs and more!

Lying asleep under the umbrella next to the pool in the middle of the desert, Yakecan lied dreaming of how she is going to kick so much Serum ass and shut down PSI for good.

They were yet to hear off Prescott's death, but Rourke wasn't planning from the start to stick around through this mess.

Rourke had hightailed out of the desert while Yakecan slept.

His assurance policy paid out, as he earlier lead them in the wrong direction and they would have never reached PSI, never….

What will become of the desert?

PSI?

Where the hell is Rourke going?

And will Yakecan ever regret that she punned Rourke?

"That bitch isn't going to know what hit her…. Rourke out!"


	4. Chapter 4

_**Damn-nation 3**_

Walking in the desert under the blistering rays of the sun, Rourke is carrying Yakecan on his back as she has started to dehydrate.

After about 3 more miles Rourke suddenly started jogging.

"How are you able to do that?"

"Well if you saw water in the desert, what would you do?"

"I would realize that it is an illusion…. Dork"

"You know what, just because I knew you would keep on with the puns I got myself a little assurance."

"And what is that, to sell as bacon or something? Hahaha."

About a minute after Yakecan had spoke, she felt her feet sinking into cool water as Rourke placed her on a chair next to a blown up swimming pool which was conveniently placed in the middle of the desert.

'_Damn, if I had to carry her one more mile then I would have gave in.' _He thought while dipping his head in the water.

As he wiped the water off of his face, he sees a little table next to the pool with too Hunters Dry's on it.

Just as he took the two bottle's from the table Yakecan's one hand touched his, as he looked at her she said, "Don't worry china, soon we'll be admitting less heat." She said and took the bottle from his hand.

"Damn! I should have listened when my Dad told me not to smoke, he was such a father to me."

All his men stood in confusion.

He jumped about three feet and tackled the crap out of his teacher.

Violently he just started sawing at his teachers arm with one hand, pinning it to the ground with his other arm.

"Sir…" a worried servant whispered to Prescott.

"Hahaha, what do you want?"

"I am not sure, but it looks like you are sawing off your own arm."

"WTF?"

The next moment Prescott fainted and his Serum driven servants just stood there, watching him bleed out.

As no one could give orders to them but Prescott himself, the entire PSI army had went numb.

The news had spread quickly of this turn of events and the humans took back everything that was truly theirs and more!

Lying asleep under the umbrella next to the pool in the middle of the desert, Yakecan lied dreaming of how she is going to kick so much Serum ass and shut down PSI for good.

They were yet to hear off Prescott's death, but Rourke wasn't planning from the start to stick around through this mess.

Rourke had hightailed out of the desert while Yakecan slept.

His assurance policy paid out, as he earlier lead them in the wrong direction and they would have never reached PSI, never….

What will become of the desert?

PSI?

Where the hell is Rourke going?

And will Yakecan ever regret that she punned Rourke?

"That bitch isn't going to know what hit her…. Rourke out!"


End file.
